I want to debunk a myth.
When we got engaged, many people told me that Rob wouldn’t give a damn about wedding plans. They told me to just do it myself and leave him out of it, and that it would be better off if he stayed “out of the way”.
It was all said in a slight tongue-in-cheek manner, but I’d find myself getting irked by these comments, and so that’s why I wanted to lay it out there that actually, we’ve planned the whole thing together, as a team. Shock. Horror. Pigs flying by, etc etc.
Don’t get me wrong, there are certain things, such as researching in-season flowers for my bouquet, that he hasn’t been involved in (I don’t think he’d know what a peony was if I asked him), but likewise, he’s been the one to sort out what booze we’ll be serving (mainly because it meant he got to do lots of ‘taste tests’ from local breweries). But in terms of our venue, our décor, our ceremony, and all the bits in between, he’s been very much involved.
The truth is; I didn’t want to plan our wedding by myself. I didn’t want Rob to just turn up on the day and be faced with a bunch of things he had no idea about. I wanted help! So I thought I’d compile a little list of parts of the wedding planning process that you can really get your grooms’ help with:
- The booze – This has undoubtedly been Rob’s favourite part of the wedding planning process. We were told that we could request beers from a list of local breweries to serve at the bar, so he took it upon himself to “taste test” a majority from the list. I do think he’s managed to narrow it down to 92387 now, so we’re getting somewhere. We’ve also been saving brown beer bottles for decoration, so he’s been helping out there too, obviously…
- The food – This was something we both had to agree on. Rob absolutely did not want a formal, sit-down, three course dinner. He wanted something more relaxed and chilled and so did I, so we went for a winter barbecue. It was important to me that we both made this decision together as it’s quite a big part of your day.
- The guest list – Again, we very much did this between us, but surprisingly, I found myself being much more cut-throat than Rob. Not seen them for 6 months? Not invited. Unsure of their surname? Not invited. Don’t actually particularly like this person? Not invited. Rob, however, wanted to invite everyone and their dog (literally) to the entire shebang. Get him to write his list, and you write yours, then depending on numbers for your venue, you can cross out and add names as you please.
- The suits – Or rather, lack of. Whenever we’ve been to a wedding as a guest, Rob has felt uncomfortable in his suit. He wants to dress smart, don’t get me wrong, but it’ll more likely be something more relaxed than a fully kitted out black tie affair. The other day he asked me if he could wear shorts. To be fair, as long as he’s comfy, I don’t care what he wears. He can wear his jeans if he wants. I really do think the suits should be left for the men to decide and unless he wants to wear a pimpin’ pinstripe number with a salmon pink frilled shirt, there’s no need for us brides to intervene.
- The music – The only thing we have had disagreements about throughout the whole process. You see, my side of the family have experienced plenty of weddings in the past couple of decades, and they’ve all been similar music-wise. Dad loves a bit of Motown and Northern Soul, he’ll often crack out a back-drop or two on the dance floor. Mum, aunties and sisters have their routines to pretty much every Take That song known to man. And little kids would really appreciate something they can dance to, plus, I think everyone secretly likes a bit of Little Mix, don’t they? Rob, on the other hand, “does not want any cheesy rubbish”. Now, even I don’t want Oops Upside Your Head or the Cha Cha Slide coming anywhere NEAR my wedding, but I feel like there’s got to be a liiiittle bit of cheesy 90s stuff to have a boogie to. We’re still deliberating, so I’ll let you know how it goes.
All in all, the grooms actually enjoy being part of the wedding planning process. Sometimes they pretend they’re not, but only around the other guys who did the exact same thing for their own weddings. Let them say things like, “oh, I’m leaving her to it” in front of their mates in the pub, and don’t be annoyed when they won’t help choose the correct shade of ivory for your napkins. But DO let them be part of the day, because you’re both going through the same life-changing experience, and it’s always nice to have a helping hand.