What to Expect While Planning a Feminist Wedding

By Heather

First of all, let me apologize for being M.I.A. these past couple weeks.  Between the holidays, wedding planning, and applying to law school, things have been a bit crazy around here to say the least.

Anyways, I’m back at it, and I hope you enjoy my next post in my “Feminist Wedding” series:

To some brides and grooms, a “feminist wedding” will mean replacing or doing away with wedding traditions with sexist origins that many hold dear.

If that sounds like you, it is possible that you’ve received some push back from more conservative family members or friends who don’t necessarily share your beliefs.  Of course, that’s usually true if you buck tradition in any way, even if it isn’t for explicitly feminist reasons.

The purpose of this post is to *somewhat sarcastically* let you know what to expect during the feminist wedding planning process, but more importantly, to let you know that you aren’t alone!

Without further ado, here’s what to expect while planning a feminist wedding…as illustrated by gifs.

First of all, let me just say…


1.  There are a LOT of sexist wedding traditions.

Of course there are the obvious ones, like introducing the bride and groom as “Mr. and Mrs. man’s first and last name,” but it goes much deeper, my friends.

I encourage you to do your research and figure out which traditions you don’t mind keeping, and which ones you want to run far, far away from.


2.  Not everyone will share your opinions.

While many of your peers will be supportive of your decision, there will always be a select few who will feel the need to express their disapproval over your “neglect of tradition,” and disdainfully talk about your “liberal ways.”

Now, you have two options in these scenarios:  you can either get upset and try to make them see the error of their ways by explaining the complexities of the patriarchy, OR you can smile, nod, and quickly disregard their opinion.

I’ve tried both, and believe me, the latter approach will save you time, breath, and quite the headache!  Some people are set in their ways and no amount of logic and reason will change their minds.  Just ~deflect the negativity~ and do your thing.


3.  Compromise may be inevitable.

If someone else is footing the bill for the wedding, and they don’t see things your way, you may need to make some compromises.

For example, I didn’t plan on wearing a veil or doing a bouquet toss at my wedding, but when my mother (a.k.a. financial backer of the wedding) insisted that I had ONE traditional element, I decided to go with the veil, since doing away with the bouquet toss was more important to me.

Moral of the story: if you absolutely have to compromise, pick what is most important to you and realize that you win some and you lose some.


4.  Surround yourself with those who support you.

Defending and explaining the reasoning behind your choices while picking out table cloth colors and floral arrangements can get pretty exhausting.

Take some time to enjoy the company of those who share your beliefs, and feel free to rant as necessary.


5. Remember what’s most important

Feminism is about the freedom to choose.  If you want to scrap all traditions, that’s perfectly fine!  If you want to keep every tradition, that’s fine too!

Even if your wedding doesn’t end up as feminist as you might like it to be, remember that when it’s all said and done, it is more important to have a feminist marriage.

At the end of the day, your wedding should reflect the beliefs that you and your future husband share, and celebrate the union of two people who love and respect one another as equals.

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