Yeah that title hey? I didn’t want to click bait it with “10 ways to have hot sex on your wedding night” because really who cares but after searching online, most of the articles I read were very much…you should have sex on your wedding night or your marriage will fail and you will die*. Is this true? Of course not.
As women we face many a pressure. There are certain societal pressures surround the wedding day that thankfully are slowly ebbing their way out of main stream weddings but a few still remain. One of them is the taboo subject of sex on your wedding night. And I think this pressure is on the gents in our lives too. Long gone are the days of having to legally consummate your marriage so why are we still so bothered?
When the night draws to a close and you shuffle off, heels in hand, veil tucked in to clutch bag, arm in arm with your new husband, you will get the odd comment. The compulsory ‘oi oi off they go’ types.
I think my wedding day was the quickest but longest day of my life. It started so early on next to no sleep and continued well in to the small hours with no respite at any time. The last thing I wanted when we finally got to put my feet up was sex. I wanted a warm bath, a hot chocolate and bed. I got none of those things. We went upstairs, I kneeled on the floor, Michael sat on the end of the bed and took about half a million hair pins out from my hair. The relief of those little bastards being out of my head was joy enough. We then got in to bed…and watched Into the Wild. Probably the least romantic film, it was also half way through so we had to work out why he was in the wilderness and what the significance of the berries were. We did have sex. The conversation went something like this “we should have sex” “yeah” “I am so tired” “me too” “make it swift then”.
I was 23 at the time (we had been together for 5 years). If that were to happen now there would be no way I would have done it for the sake of it. Many of the articles I read were saying you have to do it because it sets the tone for the rest of your lives together which I just think is utter bullshit. You have just spent the entire day, uniting two families (spending £££) just because you decided you quite like some random guy/girl you met a few years ago. You have spent the day vowing to cherish and love that person for the rest of your life in front of your nearest and dearest, that is setting the tone for your lives together, not some 10 minute romp ‘just because you have to’. And you know what, it was below par. It wasn’t the best, it wasn’t the worst we have had. Just meh. Surely it would have been better to appreciate some spooning whilst we watched Emile Hirsch die (soz spoiler).
I just wanted to write a little blog post to tell you that if you don’t end up having sex on your wedding night, it is no big deal, and actually I wish I had said something in advance to take a little bit of pressure off**. Because peeling your sweaty tired body out of Spanx you put on 19 hours earlier is no sexy dance and tiring enough on top of the most awesome day of your life.
I would love to open a conversation up about this, come find me on instagram and leave a comment. Did you? Will you? Do you even care?
* i may be paraphrasing, you won’t die.
** should reiterate, this pressure did not come from Miller…
First image – Kayla Barker Photography. Second image – Jose Villa.