You have sent out the save the dates, you got a good reception. Everyone seems excited. You tick a long with you plans and then send out your beautifully chosen (and perhaps hand crafted) invitations. This is when the sh*t will hit the fan. I do not want scare you. I do not want you to fret but I would like you to be prepared.
Absolute idiots will crawl out of your family woodwork, friends will lose the capability to google things for themselves. People will not RSVP in the allotted time and 40% will RSVP through Facebook.
Now, you may not be bothered by the latter, you may not mind chasing people up, you may not mind answering queries but when you have done it 30 times a day you will.
Questions you will be asked –
– Where is XYZ, how far is it from XYZ, is there parking?
– May I bring my girlfriend/boyfriend of 2 days, we are seriously in love?
– You only addressed us, but are children allowed?
– May I buy you something off the gift list?
– Is XYZ invited?
– Will there be a free bar?
– What shall I wear?
So what should you do?
1) Include a map drawn by a cartographer which shows historical, cultural and geographical reference points. Including car parks.
2) Only invite people with a high IQ (this would help solve most issues)
3) Only invite other married people, with no children.
4) Supply a gift list, bank details and a key to your house for people to just pop round and shit on your dining table.
5) Publish your guest list in the Daily Telegraph. Much like the New Years Honours list.
7) Hire Gok Wan to visit everyone’s house and take them shopping for a good fitting bra and belts to make a cinched in waist. And a hat.