Morning all! Did you have fun pinning all the pretty flowers from yesterday post? Today I give you something to ponder over written by Cat Hepple, I think her post will resonate with a fair few of you, some very wise words from an exceptionally wise lady. Having your wedding, your way…
Close your eyes and imagine your wedding day. Not just a fluffy cloud of smiles and hugs, really, really imagine it. What does it look like? What are the details? How do you both look? What are you wearing? Where are you? Now ask yourself is this your vision or someone else’s? Have you reigned in your dreams because you are worried others might not like it? Have you run away from the idea of a slinky gown because you think Mum might not think it’s suitable for a wedding? Have you modified what you want because you’ve not seen another wedding like it?
Weddings always bring a reaction from just about everyone. The world has a view, good, bad, indifferent, most people, often those closest to you have no hesitation in giving their views and inadvertently making you worry about your choices. Parents of course always have an opinion. The chances are, ever since you were born they were planning your wedding, imagining what it would be like ( I know this as a mother of a 2 year old- even the thought of her ever getting married has me a blubbering wreck) and it’s inevitable their idea of a perfect wedding day will be founded in the traditions and style acceptable in years gone by. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong, but it often means it can clash with your vision.
When I was planning my big day I recall someone sending me the quote ” Every bride should remember it’s her Mother’s big day.” It made me laugh, because actually it IS a huge day for parents. They feel pressure too. It’s easy to forget that in the madness of wedding planning.
Don’t though have the wedding your parents and family want, unless of course it’s a perfect match for your dreams. It’s your wedding day, when you look back at your photographs in 20, 30, 40 years time you want to recall it as a dream day, when everything you could ever have wished for became a reality. You want to look back and see YOU, not a version of you that you were forced into.
One problem which I hear of from time to time, is exactly that- TIME. The time of a wedding. More and more couples are choosing to marry late morning or early lunchtime and of course that was not always considered acceptable. If you want an 11am ceremony in order to make the most of your gorgeous venue and spend lots of time with precious friends and family, but others suggest 2pm is far more sensible, consider what time of year you are marrying. It’s dark in Winter and Autumn after about 4pm for example. Consider too if you want photographs in daylight. Do you want guests to be able to play gardening games on the lawns or would you prefer them to be enjoying candlelit roaring fires instead. Timing really doesn’t have to be dictated by tradition. It’s about the kind of wedding you actually want. Modern guests are used to varying start times for weddings, I covered one recently which was at 9.30am, and had one a week later at 5pm. Both sets of guests had a fabulous day.
The dress can certainly be another flash point. There is, for many people, a typical bridal ‘look”, you know exactly what that is. A strapless, princess line gown,possibly with some sparkle and a tiara. It’s a tried and tested style and of course can look fantastic. But it’s not the only option out there. There are so many more ways to look like an incredible bride, from Juliet Cap veils, to short dresses, brightly coloured shoes and incredible headpieces. Having photographed weddings for 3 years now, I can honestly, hand on heart assure you that every.single.bride. looks incredible on her wedding day. There’s something about a girl about to marry, she glows, she’s luminous, she radiates. And let me tell you, she doesn’t need to be in a strapless, A- line dress to look incredible. Trust your instinct, if you adore Claire Pettibone or Jenny Packham gowns, follow that dream. Don’t feel pressured to meet the look others expect of you. I promise that whatever you decide upon, Mums and everyone else will think you look sensational, because you are the bride and you glow.
Some of my brides tell me they worry they won’t have enough ” details” at their weddings. They see magazines filled with shabby chic trinkets and vintage look mirrors and think they have to have the same in order to make their day more special. They worry they might be judged if their day is more modern, more pared down, less about the vintage record player by the side of a camper van. Weddings are supposed to be about 2 individuals marrying one another because they are in love. It’s your wedding, and it should reflect you both. You should never feel the need to fill your wedding with things which have no relevance to you, just because someone else did. I recently shot a wedding in London with the simplest understated details, and it was utterly beautiful. What’s more important, it simply suited the couple, and thats what guests will remember. Be true to your heart.
You can’t avoid opinions when you plan a wedding. From the guest list to the evening entertainment, you can find yourself wondering if it will meet everyone’s approval. Don’t put yourself under that pressure. The best weddings are always the ones where the love shines through, and it’s genuine. I guarantee THAT is what your guests and your family will remember.
Did you have any external pressures on your day pushing you one way? Do you have any now?
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